Part Twenty-Five

"I wonder, sometimes, if I know the difference between love and lust," Saelbeth said softly as he lay in Elladan's bed watching the sun rise outside through the open talan window. The view was spectacular. Galadriel had indeed reserved one of the best flets for her grand-sons. Idly Saelbeth wondered what the view was like from Elrohir's room, but doubted that he would ever find out. Not now.

Elladan turned his head to look at Saelbeth with sleepy grey eyes. For a moment Saelbeth studied his face. Tired as he was, Elladan was all honesty. His expression held nothing sly or conniving. He did not have the calculating look Saelbeth had seen many times before. A rush of affection flooded the elf of Mirkwood. Elladan did take after his father somewhere deep inside, it seemed. He had not only the poisonous blood of Celeborn in his veins.

Saelbeth drew Elladan close and tangled his fingers in the young lord's dark hair. Elladan sighed and flung his arm over Saelbeth's waist, pressing closer, but he was not aggressive, nor did he seek more than this small comfort. Saelbeth felt him tremble and wondered desperately what Elladan was thinking.

Saelbeth had so needed this night. He had needed to take Elladan as mercilessly as he had, and he had enjoyed every minute of it. It had been a slight surprise to discover how easily Elladan could be made submissive. Saelbeth had turned the young lord's lust against him, given him everything he desired… everything they both desired. It had been a glorious union, and this morning Saelbeth no longer felt like the well-used slave of Lord Celeborn.

He had taken back a small piece of himself, he thought as he pressed his lips to Elladan's brow, but even know he knew not how last night would affect the future, or even just this day. At least Elladan was drawing closer to him and not pushing him away. Saelbeth leaned forward and bit the tip of Elladan's pointed ear. Elladan moaned sharply.

"You have left me bruised by your lust," he said, but there seemed more pleasure than complaint in the statement.

"Think you that lust was all we shared?" Saelbeth asked, lifting Elladan's chin with a finger so that they looked into each other's eyes.

Elladan considered for a long moment, then answered. "No."

"I am afraid to nurture this feeling," Saelbeth admitted. "You have sparked a care in me, a concern."

"I feel it as well," Elladan said breathlessly. "Seize on to it, Saelbeth. I need this."

"I need it as much as you do. There is much we might offer each other," Saelbeth said.

"We have both been starving for affection," Elladan said. "Let us not deny ourselves the fulfillment that both our hearts crave. Fall in love with me. I promise not to hurt you."

"I wonder if we should not be satisfied simply with lust."

"I know that we cannot be. Not after last night," Elladan said quietly. "I wonder if you understand what it meant for me to be so submissive in our lovemaking. I have only been taken that way once before… when I was being punished by Legolas and Haldir."

Saelbeth nodded. "It was different for me as well. I have never been so aggressive."

"But you liked it."

"I did. Even so, that is still simply lust."

"I do not think there is anything simple about it." Elladan put his arms around Saelbeth's neck and kissed him. "Whatever will my grand-father think?"

The words were like cold water. Saelbeth disentangled himself from Elladan and slipped out of the bed, padding naked towards the window. He stared into the golden light of the morning sun, watching it glint off of the mallorn trees. Saelbeth could feel Elladan's disappointment, feel his gaze pressing into his back, but he could not turn around and look at his lover.

"It will be a long time before I heal from what Celeborn did to me."

"I am sorry," Elladan said softly. "I did not mean to—"

"Shh. Do not give me apologies."

"Come back to bed."

"Elladan—"

"Then I will come to you."

A moment later Elladan stood so near to him that Saelbeth could smell the delicious scent of him. He was like cinnamon and spring earth and still the scent of their lovemaking lingered on him as well. Saelbeth breathed deeply. He closed his eyes. It was heady, stirring. He let himself remember the night before, how he had stripped Elladan almost violently, how he had taken him first on the sofa before they moved to the bedroom.

Elladan did not touch him, though so near he stood that Saelbeth imagined he could feel the warmth of the other elf's flesh. Saelbeth licked his lips. So sweet was this offering. How long could he resist? Did he want to? Why? Why should he give up this fragile blossom simply because Elladan shared the blood of the elf who had reduced him to cinders?

There was no reason, of course. It mattered not what Celeborn thought. With any luck Saelbeth might avoid him for the rest of his stay in Lórien. He opened his eyes and looked at Elladan, who stared into his eyes. Elladan's lips parted slightly, as if he would speak, but he said nothing.

"Why do you want me so badly?" Saelbeth asked.

"You are my opposite. You make me more honest than I have ever been."

"Can I believe that?"

"If you cannot trust me, you will never be able to love me. It is a risk, but I swear that I will not fail you."

Saelbeth touched Elladan's face gently. There was a light of desperation in the grey eyes. "Elladan…"

Elladan sank to his knees. He looked up at Saelbeth, his face written with naked honesty. "I swear."

Saelbeth felt a tear slide down his cheek as he extended his hand to Elladan. "Get up, Elladan."

He pulled the dark-haired elf into his arms and held him tightly. Elladan slipped his arms around his waist. He was trembling.

"I am holding back so much," he whispered.

"I know you are."

"I want you so badly. I want you to love me. Give me a chance, Saelbeth."

"Very well," Saelbeth whispered, for he, too, was already lost.

"I will protect you from my grand-father."

"Oh, really, Elladan?" a voice drawled from the doorway. "And how will you do that?"

Saelbeth's blood turned to ice in his veins as they both turned to see Lord Celeborn standing in the frame of the door. Suddenly he was very conscious of the fact that both he and Elladan were still unclothed. Celeborn's eyes burned over them, and it took all of Saelbeth's nerve to lift his head and look the Lord of Lórien in the eye.