Part Thirty-One

"It is much easier to learn to live in fear than to free oneself from it," Saelbeth told Elladan as he returned to their talan. "And how is it that you are wearing Elrohir's clothes?"

Elladan smiled at him. "I have an outfit identical to this at home," he said. "But as it stands, Elrohir and I traded clothing. He went to speak to Celeborn instead of me. He thought I was too...upset by our grand-father."

Saelbeth's eyes widened and he gained a new respect for Elladan's twin. "You are lucky to have a brother who loves you so much."

Elladan nodded. "I only hope it does not go ill for him. He has been gone nearly an hour. I think we should go check on him."

"Very well…" Saelbeth said faintly, but his fear of Lord Celeborn betrayed him.

"I will go alone," Elladan amended.

"No," Saelbeth said. "I will go with you."

"You are brave, my dear one," Elladan said. He stood up and came forward to slip his arms around Saelbeth, kissing him softly. "Did you speak with King Thranduil?"

"No…"

Elladan arched an eyebrow. "No?"

Saelbeth looked away, pushing away from Elladan. "Forgive me. I faltered." He could not explain why he had not gone to Thranduil to ask if he could accompany Elladan to Rivendell. "Perhaps I am not so brave after all."

"Then I will go with you to him, just as you have offered to come with me to check on Elrohir."

Saelbeth looked back at Elladan. His expression was fervent, his eyes shining. "You are not angry? Disappointed?"

Elladan moved towards him again, capturing him, kissing him tenderly now. "I understand your fear," he said.

"I should think you had never known fear, Elladan."

"I learned fear when I learned love. I do not wish to lose you when I have only just found you, Saelbeth."

It made his heart ache, to hear such tenderness spoken on his behalf. No one had ever spoken to him this way before. No one. And in that moment, he was able to trust Elladan. He was able to let himself believe in the other elf's sincerity.

"Very well," he said. "First we will go to Lord Celeborn's talan, then we will go and find King Thranduil."

"Are you sure you would do this?" Elladan said.

"Yes."

Saelbeth had spent the past hour wandering beneath the mallorn trees. He had done much thinking, wondering if he truly was developing feelings for Elladan or if it was an illusion born of fear and loneliness. Now he knew that what his heart told him, he could believe in. He could indulge his lust for the beautiful young Lord of Imladris knowing that the fragile bond between them had a chance to succeed.

Elladan took his hand, and they left the flet, heading for Lord Celeborn's tree. They passed up the enormous staircase, through the great receiving chamber where Celeborn and Galadriel met guests together, to the split which led to her private rooms and to his. Saelbeth felt his heart begin to knock against his chest. Suddenly he threw himself backwards against the wall, gripping the rail.

"I cannot go on," he told Elladan.

"I will not force you," Elladan said. "I will never force you…to anything."

Saelbeth nodded. "Thank you."

"I must go up there."

Before Saelbeth could reply, Lord Glorfindel appeared in the doorway. He waved at them cheerfully.

"Hullo, Elladan! Your grand-father is napping. Do not fear… I am looking after him now."

"Napping?" Elladan said incredulously.

"Oh, I gave him a little taste of the sedative he slipped Thranduil the other night."

"And why did you do that, Glorfindel?" came the cool and irritated voice of Lord Elrond from behind them on the staircase. Elrohir was with him, and Saelbeth felt some small amount of relief. No harm could come to him in this company. He knew this.

"I thought it would cool his ardor," said Glorfindel. "Now mind you, I am rather fond of his ardor myself, but at times it is misdirected."

"Misdirected?" Elladan said, looking at his twin. Elrohir shook his head, as if he did not wish to say in front of their father.

"Elrohir," Elrond began, but Elrohir interrupted.

"It does not matter…"

"I think it does. I will speak with Galadriel."

"What good will it do?" Elladan said in exasperation.

"All of you underestimate her," Elrond said quietly. "Now, I will go check on Lord Celeborn. Glorfindel, I would have you tell me exactly what you gave him and how much."

Glorfindel smirked. "Enough," he said.

Elrond walked up the stairs, took Glorfindel by the arm, and propelled him into the chamber. He turned back in the doorway. "Be on your way, boys," he said, his tone more gentle. "And do not fear."

Elrond disappeared. Elladan took Saelbeth's arm and led him down the stairs, following Elrohir.

"Did he know it was you?" Elladan asked his twin, clearly meaning Lord Celeborn.

"Not at first. Glorfindel revealed me, but by then he had already given Grand-father the herb."

"Will you be returning to Rivendell when we go home?" Saelbeth asked.

"I do not know," Elrohir said. "It pains me to be separated from Elladan… but Orophin has duties here."

"Perhaps he can be excused from them," Elladan suggested.

"Perhaps," Elrohir replied, but he did not sound convinced.

"Do you not fear that your grand-father will take his revenge upon your lover?" Saelbeth asked faintly. He thought of Orophin, the hot-headed but kind Galadhrim.

"No," said Elrohir. "I do not fear it."

But Saelbeth saw his hand clench into a fist.