Elladan would have been hard pressed to tell his father exactly what was bothering him, as for the most part he was not entirely sure. He knew only that a deep and abiding unhappiness had settled on him several months ago, not long after he and Elrohir had returned to Rivendell, and he had been unable to shake free of it. He supposed it was a combination of elements, but that led him no closer to resolving the problem.

And so he suffered, day in and day out. Night after night he sat awake by himself in his spacious rooms with the feeling that he was utterly alone. This was something he had never experienced before, having been an identical twin for all of his life. In truth, Elrohir was no further away than he ever had been. If Elladan called for him, he came, most of the time. They sat together at meals and occasionally went riding or strolling together. Still, Elladan felt separate from Elrohir somehow, as if some line between them that had always existed had been cut.

Once he had tried to explain this to Elrohir, but his brother had only given him a questioning look that indicated that he thought Elladan might have spent too much time in the sun. Elrohir did not seem to feel anything was different between them. Why should Elladan?

Elladan did not think that their father could provide him with this answer, and so he did not ask. He knew that Elrond was a very busy individual and did not need to be saddled with claims of vague sadness plaguing his son. Even when Elrond had asked what bothered him, and Elladan could not deny to himself that he had wanted someone to ask, Elladan could not make his confession.

He wanted to feel a closeness to his father because of this, but he did not. Elrond had his guests and his home and his gatherings of information to attend to. He was a great lord here, and too many needed his attention. His sons should not be a burden on him, Elladan felt. In Elladan's eye, Elrond was more king than father.

Why was he standing out front waiting for Arwen? Perhaps he hoped that seeing his sister would abate some of his loneliness. Neither he nor Elrohir had ever been terribly close to her, but she was blood kin, after all. She would certainly be easier to speak with about his sadness than Elrond. After all, she was a female, and should be blessed with some sort of higher understanding. Maybe she could tell him what exactly his problem was.

Another hour passed, perhaps two, before he saw the large raft coming down the river. Two elves of Imladris whose names completely escaped him in that moment were fording the party from Lórien across the water. The sun was setting, and Elladan shaded his eyes with his hand, trying to make out who was on board. Arwen, certainly. Beside her was a tall, muscular blond elf. Well, of course -- they were all blond in Lórien. It looked to be Haldir, the Marchwarden of the Galadhrim. Trust Galadriel to send her best warrior to escort Arwen home. Elladan was pleased.

He had never known Haldir very well, because he always seemed to be busy during the Elladan and Elrohir's rare visits to Lórien or closeted with Elrond when he was in Imladris, but Elladan had always admired him. Elladan was better acquainted with the Marchwarden's two brothers, Orophin and Rúmil. They were close in age to the twins and the four of them had gotten up to a great deal of trouble when they were younger (mostly led by Rúmil, or occasionally Elrohir.) Elladan spotted them on the boat and felt his heart lift slightly. Perhaps they would provide him a distraction from his cares.

Of course, distractions could be dangerous. Elladan had avoided Rúmil the last few times their paths had crossed because of something Elladan still thought of as "the incident." He had trouble thinking about it still. It was a shame, because Rúmil could be a great deal of fun, but perhaps not the sort of fun Elladan enjoyed. Maybe he had changed. It had probably been a hundred years since the last time they had really spoken together. Perhaps Elladan should offer him an apology.

But, he thought grimly to himself, it was Rúmil that owed him an apology -- and his life. Had Elladan told what had happened to Galadriel or Elrond, Rúmil no doubt would have found himself expelled from the Golden Wood. It was lucky that Galadriel had not simply… known, or if she did, she had respected Elladan's silence on the subject. He had kept quiet more for the sake of Haldir and Orophin than for Rúmil himself. Still, he did not hate Rúmil, or fear him, or even despise him slightly. Elladan simply…avoided him. Elrohir was the only other elf who knew about "the incident." Elladan did not have secrets from him. Elrohir thought it was ridiculous, that Elladan had made a big event out of nothing, and he and Rúmil were closer than ever.

Maybe Orophin would bring some new books with him, Elladan thought hopefully, then he realized how dreadfully dull that made him seem. Besides, there were far more books in Rivendell than in Caras Galadhon. Elladan had read most of them, in both places. Elrohir had read almost none of them. In that way, the twins differed. They might look exactly the same, but Elladan preferred the pursuits of the mind over those of the body. Elrohir was far better at sports and war than he was.

Still, Elladan knew how to use a bow and a sword when he needed to. He had improved infinitely since their mother had left for Valinor. Together he and Elrohir hunted orcs and slew them mercilessly. Elladan always felt a grim satisfaction in these acts of vengeance, different completely from the joy his brother seemed to get. The thrill of the kill. Elladan felt he needed to do it to fill the void left by the absence of Celebrían. Perhaps they both did. At the moment, however, he was glad to be home, in clean clothing not stained with orc blood.

The boat pulled up to the dock and the Lórien party disembarked. Elladan watched Haldir help Arwen off of the raft. As they began to climb the road to the palace, Elrohir dashed out from inside it to join him on the steps. Their father was not far behind. He was accompanied by Lord Glorfindel and Erestor, his chief advisor.

"You missed a fantastic ride," Elrohir said exuberantly, clapping Elladan on the shoulder.

Elladan turned and smiled at him wryly. "I rather thought you intended to ride Lord Glorfindel," he said in a low voice so that their father could not hear him.

Elrohir grinned, his eyes twinkling. "Oh, I did…but he would have liked you to be there as well."

Elladan did not reply. He had little desire to share a lover with his brother -- at least not at the same time. It constantly amazed him how many elves desired to lie with them together. Elrohir seemed to relish the idea, but he had always respected Elladan's disinclination towards it. Elrohir took a great many more lovers than Elladan did. Elladan preferred not to lie with those who lived in Imladris. He did not wish to have to face them, later, after a meaningless act. Lust shamed Elladan, somehow. He gratified it when it became unbearable, but it was easier to take care of his own needs than to have to involve someone else in them.

Glorfindel stepped up to Elladan's other side and smiled at him. He was one of the oldest and most respected elves of Imladris. He had taught both Elladan and Elrohir swordplay and archery, to ride and to swim. They had known him all of their lives. Apparently he had been teaching Elrohir a few other things as well of late, but he seemed to understand that Elladan was not interested.

Or was he? Glorfindel was indisputably beautiful. He had long, golden hair and bright blue eyes that held the wisdom of the millennia, like Elladan's father's did. He was fair of face, and powerfully built, slightly taller than the twins. He had always been kind, and at times Elladan had wished Glorfindel was his father instead of Elrond. He seemed so much more accessible, and though he was usually busy, never failed to find a moment for Elladan if he needed something. Perhaps that was why it seemed odd to Elladan that his brother should be sleeping with Glorfindel now.

"Arwen!" Elrond said with vibrant enthusiasm as she approached with her escorts. Arwen had always been his favorite, Elladan thought. No, that was unfair. Elrond had never treated his sons differently than he did Arwen. Elladan just envied the bond that seemed to exist between Elrond and Arwen. He had his own bond with Elrohir that neither of them could share in. Elladan watched as Elrond stepped forward to embrace her.

"Mae Govannen, Haldir, welcome to Rivendell," Elrond said when he let go of his daughter. They exchanged a formal Elven greeting. "Many thanks for escorting my daughter safely home. You and your brothers are, of course, welcome to stay as long as you like."

Haldir inclined his head. "Thank you."

"Dinner will be served in two hours time in the banquet hall. Until then, I hope you will excuse me while I speak with my daughter. Elrohir, show Haldir to the Garden View suite. Elladan, take Rúmil and Orophin to the quarters in the east wing. Rooms have been prepared."

Arwen kissed both Elladan and Elrohir on the cheek, and Elladan meant to tell her how glad he was to see her, how much he looked forward to speaking with her, but his tongue seemed tied. Elrond swept her away and Erestor and Glorfindel disappeared after them, leaving the twins alone with the three Galadhrim brothers.

"Switch with me!" Elladan hissed to Elrohir.

"What?"

"Haldir will not know the difference. You take Rúmil and Orophin. You know why."

"All right, all right -- but you owe me a favor," Elrohir grumbled. He motioned for the two brothers to follow him and stalked off towards the east wing, leaving Elladan to escort Haldir.